Last week, I got the phone call I have been working for the past three years: I was offered a job with a State Attorney's office! Although I was absolutely elated when I received the news, my excitement was shortened by reality; this job was located three hours away from our home.
When Jim and I discussed me applying, we thought "what the heck? Let's just give it a shot." To be honest, I didn't think it through too much and didn't really think I would get the offer (I tend to underestimate myself a lot). I figured IF I got the offer, I would only take it if my impending unemployment was the other alternative. The problem is, the offer came too soon to know if it was my only/best option, and they wanted an answer a.s.a.p. Thus came my dilemma: do I take the job and live apart from Jim 5 days a week, or do I turn down my dream job?
Ahhh, you gotta love the Navy.
Ok, in reality, I don't blame the Navy for anything. The Navy has been wonderful to my family. The Navy is the only place my husband can do the job that truly makes him happy. The Navy takes care of my family when he is away. The Navy ensures that we always have quality health care, food on the table, and a roof over our heads. The Navy allows my family to live an adventure, to see the world, and to have experiences we otherwise would not have. The Navy has helped my family grow closer and has helped me grow stronger as a person. I love the Navy.
What I am coming to learn, however, is that having what you love sometimes comes at a price. There are three aspects of my life where this lesson has been learned:
1. Being married to the man I love came at the price of never being able to plan ahead for anything. Ever. The second you do (foolishly) make a plan, the Navy will hear about it and decide to throw a curve ball at you. Let me give you an example. When Jim's tour in Pensacola was coming to an end, I decided wherever the Navy sent us, I would go to law school. Of course we had no idea where the Navy would be sending us, but we figured it would be one of the usual suspects: San Diego, Virginia, or Jacksonville, Florida. In an attempt to head off any curve balls the Navy might throw, I applied (and got accepted to) a law school in each of those areas. Jim made sure he put those areas as his top 3 selections. We were positive we dodged the Navy curve ball on this one. Ha! Should have known better! We got orders to Hawaii. Hawaii?!?!?! Are you kidding me? People wait their entire careers and never get orders to Hawaii and here we sat, with unwanted orders to Hawaii that we didn't even request. I know what you are thinking. Is she crazy? Who wouldn't want to live in Hawaii? Trust me, it was not a lack of desire to live in Hawaii that disappointed me, but more of a deep desire to start law school, and I hadn't applied there. But we weren't out of luck. Before we would be sent to Hawaii, Jim would have to complete one year of training in Jacksonville. This was a relief because I had been accepted to Florida Coastal and would not have to put off law school another year. I decided to attend my 1L year at Florida Coastal and then apply to transfer to William S. Richardson School of Law in Hawaii. I busted my hump my first year, got good grades, and was accepted to William S. Richardson. However, because my first year went so well, I earned certain honors that I would have to give up if I transferred (i.e., law review, a scholarship, and my class ranking). Knowing how hard I worked for all of this, Jim did not want to see me give it up....so he made a sacrifice. He gave up paradise for me. Jim found some unfortunate sap (note my sarcasm) to trade his orders to Jacksonville for our orders to Hawaii. Fair trade? I am still not sure. ;) But it has led to a lot of amazing things here in Jacksonville and it is a decision we do not regret.
2. Going back to school came at the price of limited quality time with my family. The past three years have required a lot of work. In my first year of law school, I had to spend, literally, 18 hours a day on school work. Typically, I averaged 4 hours of sleep a night. Things slowed down a bit after that (meaning I averaged 4.5 hours of sleep a night), but I have continued to run a full-speed marathon these past couple years. Obviously, this has taken a lot of love, support, and understanding on the part of my family. We have had to make sacrifices and I have had to battle a lot of mother's guilt (a topic for another day because I could probably write a book on that). Although I have not been able to spend every waking minute doing what I would like to do with my children, I have learned to balance what I need to do with what I want to do. When I am not in class, I am home with my children. When I have studying to do, I do it in the same room they are playing in, and often with them sitting in my lap. I put my books down when they want to play with me, and I stay awake studying while the rest of my family is sleeping because spending time with them is more important than sleep. Despite these sacrifices, I am confident in the decision I made to go back to school and I hope, one day, my girls will know I did it for them.
And my final lesson was learned this week:
3. Having my wonderful family has to come at the price of some missed career opportunities. As you may have predicted, I turned down the job. Although it was difficult to come to terms with the decision, it was not difficult to know it was the right decision. My mom put it best: "No job is worth having to live away from your family." Although I am disappointed, I am not bitter. I know life has a funny way of working itself out and we are going to be fine. I will keep looking for something that better suits our situation and that will work for my family. I know Jim felt a little guilty about this and he tried to convince me to take the job, but he should know, I will always choose him. After all, he did give up paradise for me.
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