The Bar Exam: Not for the Weak of Heart

I think it's high time for an update!
I forced myself to ignore my blog the past couple of months while I buckled down and focused on the bar exam. Now that all of that noise is done, I can finally get back to the things I love, like my family, my job, the beach, and writing. A lot has happened in the past couple months, but for now, here is my summary of the biggest event of my summer:

The Bar Exam

Yeah, it is as bad as they say it is. Don't believe me? Here is a picture of our study materials (and yes, we read all of those...in 12 short weeks):

As you could imagine, the amount of information was overwhelming, exhausting, and impossible. But add on top of that the pressure of knowing that 25% of the individuals who take the exam will fail. And finally, add the harsh reality that, despite the fact you just committed the past three years of your life to law school and spent over $100,000 in law school tuition,  your entire professional future depends on one, little 12-hour exam.

So how well did I handle the stress? Um, not very well. Let me illustrate my typical bar-prep day:

• I would wake up early, feeling like a champion ready to take on the world.
• By about 10:00 a.m., I would begin my downward spiral into pity and self-doubt.
• I would usually begin hyperventilating or vomiting around 11:30.
• By noon I would begin stress-eating everything in sight.
• By 3:00 I would begin to feel guilty about all of the calories I had consumed, so I would prop my textbook on my knees and begin doing crunches (because obviously that would reverse the entire afternoon of bad decisions I had made).
• By 3:03 I would give up on that nonsense and eat a cookie.
• The rest of my day was usually spent switching between studying, googling for alternate careers, questioning my life decisions, texting my mom to make sure she would still love me if I failed (she assured me she would), crying to my dog, and cursing. Lots and lots of cursing.

About seven weeks in, my hair began to fall out and dark bags began to develop under my eyes. Hygiene became a concept that was somewhat optional and it was not uncommon to find me still fermenting in my pajamas at 2:00 p.m. I began to worry about my sanity and wondered if I would ever be myself again. I was repeatedly assured this was completely "normal" bar-prep behavior. Apparently, every bar-prep student is a smelly, malnourished, balding, sleep-deprived, train wreck. What a relief (not).

Thankfully, my girls did not have to witness my descent into madness. My parents came to the rescue and gave the girls an exciting three-week vacation in Idaho. I missed them deeply, but I was glad they were having fun with family they hardly get to see and that they were not stuck in the house with a stressed-out mommy.

When the week of the bar exam finally arrived, a mixture of emotion set in. I struggled with feeling completely unprepared and wanting more time to study, and just plain not giving a crap anymore. I just needed it to be over.

Exam Day 1:
The morning of the first day of the exam was almost like a dream a really, really horrible nightmare that you cannot seem to wake up from.

The testing center looked more like a hollowed out Costco. It was a very large, cold, cement-floored room filled with hundreds of  cheap, plywood tables and metal chairs. I sat in the room with 3,500 other anxious test-takers and I could smell the fear. We all looked like we were awaiting execution. The test-monitor at the front of the room read the test instructions in a somber, monotone voice. I could have sworn she was reading the last rites. Finally, they started the clock and told us to begin.

The first 3-hour portion of the exam was the essay portion. I read the first essay and to my delight, I knew exactly what to say. I flipped over to the second essay and my heart stopped. I read the lengthy fact-pattern and I couldn't figure out what the Hell they wanted to know. I felt tears beginning to well up in my eyes, but I fought them back. There was no time for weakness. I ended up writing a lengthy essay on all of the BS I could pull out of my brain and I moved on. The third essay was a gift (thankfully) and I was able to write everything that I knew about the subject.

The second 3-hour portion of the exam was the Florida multiple choice. It was 100 questions of the most random pieces of law you could imagine. It was interesting. That is all I have to say about that.

Exam Day 2:
Waking up and going to day 2 of the bar exam is like picking your battered, bloodied self off of the dirty cafeteria floor and intentionally walking back into the fist of your elementary school bully. It is cruel and unusual punishment.

Day 2 is broken-up into two, 3 hour segments: 100 multiple choice in the morning, 100 multiple choice in the afternoon. This day is still a blur to me. I don't remember feeling like I rocked it (I honestly don't believe that is possible), but I also don't remember feeling like it rocked me. I am going to go ahead and believe that is a good thing.

Results:
Here is the cruel joke: they make you wait until mid-September to find out if you passed or failed. So now, we play the waiting game. It is absolute torture!

Do I know I passed?  No. No one does.
This is not the type of exam you walk out of feeling like you nailed it. Many of the questions are close-calls and several questions you know nothing about. All of your well-intentioned loved ones tell you that you will "ace it", but the fact is that is not the reality, and is actually not possible. Many of us will pass with a D and we will be happy with that.

Besides, what do you call the guy who graduated last in his law school class?  Lawyer.

Good luck to all of my fellow test-takers! May we NEVER have to take this S.O.B. again. =)